Do you think the world is becoming ruder or more polite?
If you said ruder, especially in the workplace and online, you agree with several studies and reports.
The rising trend in incivility was reported by the Harvard Business Review more than a decade ago, citing surveys of workplace rudeness over a period of 14 years, which found 98% of workers reported experiencing incivility in the workplace and half reporting it in the week preceding the survey.
More recent surveys have found similar statistics. Here is a helpful infographic describing the state of civility at work and the consequences of incivility.
Cyberbullying and rudeness in online communication are common as well. One explanation is referred to as online disinhibition. It stems from the anonymity of online communication and the absence of eye contact and immediate feedback, among other factors.
Would you agree… courtesy results in more effective communication than rudeness?
This post is the second in a series examining the qualities and skills needed to be an effective communicator. These are qualities and skills that can be learned and improved with practice. They are discussed in the first edition of Communicating Nutrition: The Authoritative Guide and as we approach a revision of this book, this series will help begin the process of revisiting and expanding on these fundamentals.
The first post introduced the series by asking the question: What qualities and skills are needed to be an effective communicator?
This post looks at the importance of being genuinely courteous, gracious, and respectful.
What is courtesy… genuine courtesy?
Courtesy is demonstrating politeness in our attitude and behavior toward others. It is the opposite of rudeness.
However, there also exists something referred to as false or feigned courtesy – acting courteous but not extending courtesy from a place of genuine empathy and kindness.
What does fake courtesy look like? An article titled “If someone uses these phrases they’re only pretending to be polite” lists the following communication openers that are NOT genuinely courteous:
“No offense, but…”
“Just being honest…”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but…”
“I was just joking…”
“I’m not being mean, but…”
“Not to be that person, but…”
“I hope you don’t mind, but…”
Effective communication requires genuine courtesy, not fake. Genuine courtesy is mindful of being well-mannered, gracious, and respectful. These qualities can be demonstrated alongside honesty and directness, which are often the excuses given for using the phrases above as a way to appear courteous.
What are etiquette rules communicators need to know?
What are considered appropriate manners in communication? In general, proper communication etiquette means being professional, personable, and polite.
In other words, select the appropriate channel, level of formality, and language to fit the audience and the occasion. Consider your communication partner’s or audience’s perspective. Exhibit kindness and respect. And consider cultural differences.
Etiquette rules by communication channel:
In conversation, pay attention to your voice tone and volume. Maintain comfortable eye contact. Solicit input and ask questions. Listen without interrupting. Repeat what was said and confirm understanding. Express yourself with kindness. Be upfront and honest, with respect. If correction is needed, provide it privately and constructively.
On the phone, let the other person know if you put them on speakerphone. Be mindful of others in the vicinity to both maintain privacy and not be distracting. Avoid answering phone calls (or texts) when in the company of someone else. Plus, all the above conversational communication rules.
On a video call or conference, mute yourself if not talking and avoid interrupting others. Look at the camera to make eye contact.
Via text, proofread before hitting send. Be concise. Be careful with abbreviations and emojis to make sure they are understood by the receiver(s). Don’t send bad news via text.
Via email, proofread your writing. Don’t “reply all” unless requested. Be cautious with humor in written communication.
When receiving communication, acknowledge the message is received and understood.
What does it mean to be a gracious communicator?
The adjective gracious means being courteous, kind, and pleasant. A gracious communicator follows the rules of etiquette described above and more. The concept of grace includes showing mercy, forgiveness, and compassion. The needs and concerns of the receiver/audience are paramount.
A gracious communicator is characterized by empathy and respect for others even in difficult communication situations such as disagreements or when delivering bad news. They listen actively, are empathetic and open to different perspectives, seek to understand and find common ground, demonstrate positivity rather than hostility, and express themselves clearly, concisely, and confidently with kindness.
How does an effective communicator demonstrate respect?
A communicator is effective when they exhibit all the characteristics described above, with respect at the center.
Respect is accepting others and having a sincere regard for their feelings, abilities, views, rights, traditions, culture, and worth. All the behaviors listed above demonstrate respect including active listening, showing empathy, avoiding interruptions, and adapting tone and language to fit the audience and situation.
Demonstrating respect for others is key to professional civility and effective communication. The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics provides nutrition professionals with a pledge of professional civility. The pledge is described on pp 459-460 in Communicating Nutrition: The Authoritative Guide.
In next week’s post, we will discuss the qualities that demonstrate flexibility.
"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others." ~ Emily Post
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